Sadness of a Joker

The sadness of a joker is never known Laughing in public so people assume it must be even better at home Depression stays by my side so I'm never alone The sadness of a joker is never known So much going on that I came close to giving up Life is short and I'm supposed to live it up But depression is taking control of me and I've been feeling weak lately So many thoughts in my head I keep to myself, I don't speak lately I make jokes when I'm around people to try and hide my trauma Hiding behind humour and using sarcasm as my armour I use it as protection to try and keep myself safe Depression tries to keep me locked away with no cell mate So it's time to pick up the pen and find the desire to write again I'm Tyson Fury coming back from depression feeling Inspired to fight again I feel boxed in but I'm trying to fight my way out of this mindstate I might have the world in front of me but right now I'm in a blind space No hugs around so I keep a glass of brandy to comfort me don't ask if I can stomach it, ask the brandy if it can stomach me I'm tired of meaningless sex with girls, but meaningless sex is easier to get than a hug with meaning Trying to deal with new pain, while I still have old scars bleeding But I try to ignore them while I drink alone and play Fifa I should cook a meal for myself, but instead I'll get a takeaway pizza I only ever talk about football, Hip-hop and boxing so people think I'm shallow, but it's way deeper People love telling me when I'm wrong, but I've learned that making the mistake is a great teacher I need a hug, but from someone who respects that I need them to remain at a distance that's comfortable But a girl will consider me weak if I tell her I need a hug, so I just tell them that life is great and everything is wonderful I've apologised so many times, but no more apologies for being dysfunctional Mike Tyson lost fights, Ronaldo lost in finals, even the strongest can be vulnerable The sadness of a joker is never known Laughing in public so people assume it must be even better at home Depression stays by my side so I'm never alone The sadness of a joker is never known