Sad Times

He demands and he growls my chest grows cold and quiet I struggle for the words I hear the sounds of my breathing the swish of air in, then deeper downward shush my chest moves more deeply I am afraid of his anger, sharp snapping words my voice rises high pitched — just leave me alone, I am tired His voice rises and high and loud, I am the one at fault I take deep breathes and hear the gentle sounds puff, waft slowing down, gentler sounds I plead for quiet, there is a huffing sound from across the room My voice was shrill, and my loud pleading made it worse I am expected to be my old self, when words came easily my tumor halted that near the left lobe, crack and hush Its not numbers and computers click click, it is tissue and brain quiet, my breath its only sound desperate shrillness increases our voices It reveals the fears hiding in the shadows angry fears, ice cracking, deep growls although I understand, can I live with it much longer, breathe, breathe shush, shush We are both wrong I hear the tension the snapping pain The rustling moaning sound in both of our minds This is not the way I hoped to live nor die— soft sigh.