Ruined

This shouldn't be so hard Calling myself human and living like the others And yet it is I would explain what's wrong But my mood tints my words I hate that constant internal elevator No one ever knows where it will stop Or if it will Somewhere in between tears and psychotic laughter I realize what is happening But I am an outsider Watching me My body and mind are only barely in sync Their corruption of each other is common Common enough to inflict the stabbing pain of self-hatred And to tear a person apart Underneath the average human flesh disguise Lies a tormented shell of what was once a person But the soul is gone The acid that is hatred Dissolved it away And the icy cold that is fear Prevents any new life I am ruined