Rock Bottom

It’s two in the morning; another sleepless night. I lay in my bed, Sobbing to the silence surrounding me. Although around me is hushed, My mind is as loud as ever. Thoughts are spinning around my head, How am I going to get these thoughts out of my head? It’s now five in the morning, Time to get ready for school. Can anyone tell I haven’t slept? Now I’m walking into school, I have a lump in my throat and I don’t understand why. I try to calm myself down, There’s no need to get worked up from school. I walk to my locker, My hands are shaking and I can’t get the combination right. Can anyone tell I’m a mess? I walk to my first class, by myself of course. The teacher smiles and nods, I try to fake a smile, I don’t think it’s working. I continue through the day. People aren’t even acknowledging me anymore. Next period is lunch, The overwhelming anxiety of who I will sit with and what we will talk about haunts me. I’m sitting at a table filled with my “friends,” I force a laugh or too but then realize I don’t belong here. Can anyone tell I’m not okay? School’s over; Finally time to go home. Back at home, I run to my room and shut the door. I collapse on my bed, and the tears come strolling down. I stay in bed for the rest of the day, Until I have to go eat dinner. The continuous cycle of hiding my emotions and faking a smile continues, It seems like no one can notice how unhappy I am. It’s time to do homework, But once you get it out you realize you have no energy to complete it. Your grades are slipping, Yet no one mentions anything. It’s time to go to bed now, But instead you stay up with the crippling thoughts that haunt your mind. “Why me?” you think “Why can’t I be happy? When is it my turn?” “You don’t belong here.” You think to yourself. But, if I don’t belong here, where do I belong? Can anyone see I’m not okay? Or do they see and decide not to bother with me because it’s too much to handle? If it’s too much for them to handle, why can’t they see how hard it is to handle it myself? Why don’t they realize that I can’t handle this all by myself? Why does no one ask if I need help? Why doesn’t anyone care? Why doesn’t anyone see it’s been getting harder to get out of bed everyday? I’ve hit rock bottom, and I have no intention of coming back up.