Right-Side Up Crosses

Jesus? where are you? I can't seem to find you anywhere I have searched into Jordan, yet you weren't there, I gathered at holy ground, but your presence was nowhere to be found, I don't know exactly what I haven't done to find you around , but I've been lost after your father created me, and seemed to vanish, I scoured the bible for your doings, sometimes I feel like I'm not your favorite, But that is suitable, since I am nobodys either Jesus? Please don't be mad, I'm not blaspheming, I just confided in you, Rarily what I do with other people, Everyday is a struggle, to just keep living, My smiles and grins are false, and anger is causing my body to break down, Everynight, I dream of never waking up again, Jesus? am I naive to believe that you ever left, Were you here all along? If so I just refuse to understand, Why a relic like you, would even consider, taking time out of your day for me