Retrospective

Retrospective By Laura Dee Battle January 14, 2015 Looking back at the Crimson shades of hell The days where I couldn't bear to face my own reality Showroom shines of smiles concealing secrets I would never tell Not that I could tell them about the catastrophes I couldn't see I had dreams where I was the man and she was the wife A nice white picket fence with a green yard in my life But the harder I tried the more my soul burned inside My heart swelled with blood that never reached my eyes I was young and I made my family so proud But lurking inside was a storm in the white, fluffy clouds I wanted to die and shut off the agony of being alive I was a type-cast actor, but my delivery was contrived Nobody was fooled by my life-long stream of refracted truths They just didn't know where I began and the lies discontinued If you were lucky, you saw me as the girl I really was You saw the care-free way I said things, just because They tried to ask questions they knew the answers to They tried to tell me the truth I never even knew I was so lost in that prison of a hundred thousand lies Life was just to hard for me to defy the endless sea of judging eyes It's hard to think that I never stood a chance It's like I learned all the steps but never how to dance How could I wage a war with no enemies to fight? How could I find my way out of the darkness without light? I'm still not very sure how this will end for me Some days I just feel like digging a hole six feet deep I just don't know what to say to you today Soon I'll find the words to explain my exile where I stay All apologies, but what else can I say? The life that I was meant to live just happened yesterday It's great that you're still here where things are crystal clear Too many things to fear for me to hold my tears Reflected is the past in eyes like broken glass Im looking to the past for memories to hold I guess my fate was set in motion 30 years ago I'm told that I am still alive...somehow I didn't die So maybe I'll just go with the flow At least this time, I'll do it for me I only hope it shows...