Remorse

The remorse is furiously ravaging torment passes through my mind as I lay awake at night gathered in my guilt are the acts I have carried out yet I love what I did but my emotions are raw pleasured moments have led to my downfall This grief of my soul has edged away in times of lewdness This guilt i speak of is in me but i learn to control it I want to be punished but I still want my life releasing this pain will only end my life, is it pain i deserve I have so much goodness in me but this dreaded curse I have just will not dissolve I am a human of many sides taken in by beauty and feckless towards one's feelings I observe then seek my capabilities in such twisted rage grant me a way through to be better.. But don't forgive me I want to be so much yet I am cornered,trapped by my life's choices I could have been so much,doubting even my forgiveness would make me feel happy I hunger for a new start of a different life other than my own I wish to be someone else now, i wanted to change once taking the moment to understand why..why me..why them I have so much emotion that my eyes stay open at night maybe what I'm looking for is the night to end and my eyes to close