Caren Krutsinger Poet Free verse

Remembering What I Wanted To Forget

I was forty something years old when this happened to me, 
Yet, when I think of it the feelings engulf and overwhelm me like no others.
I think this is how it is when the feelings are sad and bad, and you have been victimized.
Especially at the hands of a teacher.

I was in a great mood that day, in a hardware store, buying supplies to play with in my yard.
Maybe humming, in such a great mood.
I felt someone watching me in line.
I turned.
There was an elderly woman there, smiling.

I started to tremble.
All over.
Even my face shook.
I was an immediate mess, 
I put down all of the items I had been planning to purchase,
Walked out of the store on auto-pilot, and got into my car.

Trying to remember what I had forgotten for over thirty-five years.
Trying to remember where I had seen this diabolical smile before.
Her name came to me immediately.
The meanest teacher I had ever had.
So horribly mean to me, I had never forgotten it, or gotten over it apparently.

Written 10-03-2018  Poetry Contest:  Remembering What I Wanted to Forget
                                                       Sponsor:  Kim Rodrigues

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M. L. Kiser October 4, 2018 at 8:12 AM Isn't it bizarre how those things come back to haunt us when we're least expecting it? Some people should not be teachers; in fact, they shouldn't come near schools or kids. Nevertheless, they enjoy the torture. You've done very well at depicting the way that it hit you; well done. Caren Krutsinger October 4, 2018 at 8:42 AM Thank you. I still cannot think of it without trembling. She was a terror, had ruined the lives of so many.

Rhona Mcferran October 3, 2018 at 5:42 PM This sounds like it could've been an "emotional flashback"... I know that was very unsettling. Some people do seem to delight in causing others pain. So sorry you had a teacher like that! ;( Rhona Mcferran October 4, 2018 at 5:11 PM It is truly terrifying to think of how many kids lives she effected... I know for you to have "blocked out" some of those memories, it had to be extreme! Caren Krutsinger October 4, 2018 at 5:54 AM She was so awful, that I cannot fully talk about it to this day. My sister says that one day she and I had a shout out in her room in front of all the other children - I was 16 or 17 at the time - and I was winning, and she marched me to the office. I have no memory of it. I just knew she hit us with things and kept everyone trembling and sad, and she was the sponsor of Teachers For America in my county!

Ilene Bauer October 3, 2018 at 12:31 PM i guess this teacher didn't remember you quite as well as your second grade teacher who left (or else how she treated you, in any case!). it's interesting how we remember some things forever... Caren Krutsinger October 3, 2018 at 1:52 PM I think she did, that is why I think she was giving me her evil "I hate you still" smile, Ilene. It affected me so hard and fast, I truly do think it was saved for me.

Maureen McGreavy Pigeon Tart October 3, 2018 at 8:53 AM Oh my! Funny how the brain works sometimes, a physical reaction, your animal brain protecting you, your mind left playing catch-up ;) A fun read, good luck in the contest! xomo Maureen McGreavy Pigeon Tart October 3, 2018 at 9:11 AM No doubt! Having grown up to be a teacher I muse what you two may have talked about, perhaps a "why were you so mean!?" ;) Caren Krutsinger October 3, 2018 at 9:08 AM I have never forgotten it. Thanks Maureen.