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Radioactive

To say I'm excited about going to college is like saying Godzilla is big - you don't get the complete picture - you don't see the buildings crumbling and civilians running for their lives. Leaving for college is one of those foundational moments in life... My mind’s been racing, I’ve felt a disquieting anxiety and I realized what I’m experiencing is a new kind of sadness - a “delta” strain new in my experience. In less than a week I‘m off to college and I can’t help knowing that things will never be the same. I’ll step out of this house or we’ll hug at the airport and somewhere in there - I’ll cross a line. Will my childhood be over or is it my adolescence? I’m not sure. Oh, God, should I hand in my key?? I can hardly let my mind linger on the subject of leaving - it’s as sensitive as a tooth - it’s radioactive. The most fleeting or off-handed reference to leaving and my heart hammers, my throat clumps and the room transforms into a thrill ride that starts to slowly spin until the floor drops a bit like an elevator. 30 seconds of focusing on leaving and I’m a muckle of tears. I’m mindlessly, Flamin' Doritos excited about college (the going to) but like a sacrifice, or a coin - there’s a cold, flip-side, almost death-like sadness (about leaving) happening too. So far, I think I’ve masked the sadness, with the cat’s lazy poise and razzle-dazzle and I’m sure this feeling of loss is some sort of pre-home-sickness that will pass. Until then, I'm stoically trying to wear a big-girl skirt here.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2021




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Date: 8/13/2021 4:31:00 AM
You are right, it is a big step crossing the line from adolescence to young adulthood, but I feel certain you will handle the transition well. A year from now you will look back at your adolescence with fond memories but you will be glad you are where you are. I know your time will be busy in this next chapter but I hope you still find the time to share your stories with us. Good luck my young friend. John
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Gondolf Avatar
John Gondolf
Date: 8/13/2021 3:15:00 PM
I like your new pic, with the "Y" reflecting in your shades...
Vionet Avatar
Anais Vionet
Date: 8/13/2021 8:35:00 AM
Thank you so much John - I'll try =]

Book: Reflection on the Important Things