Puzzel Pieces of Who I Am

Friend, you want to know who I am behind these walls, I'll tell you some of me, and my secrets, but not all. never all. My eyes tell the story, they give my lies away, when their green i'm unhappy when their blue i'm full of joy, but only one person makes me that way. Ill tell you little lies about my feelings and yourself, so you wont have to feel bad, but on the inside, i'm still just mad, at everybody and myself. I'm severely self conscious, though my boyfriend loves me just the way i am, though i'm provocative with my 'lovely' body pressed against my man. I see you in your pain, and I laugh sometimes, because I feel like you don't know what its like, to truly want to die. I'm such a hurt, worried, bruised soul, but I'm a hippie don't you know, always thinking about some sort of peace and love. I love this man more then life, though he's six years older then I am, but it really doesn't matter to me, because one day I want to be his wife. My life has been hell, over and over again; I've joined the devil for tea, he tries to strike a bargain, but I know he never does succeed. I smile on the outside when my inside is full of tears, and I never tell anyone all of my fears; I didn't use to tell anyone all of my fears. Ive been hurt and abused and its left me full of scars, but every one has scars, they all receive from their own personal wars. I had a child growing, she was a little bit bigger then a pea, her name was Hazel and she died, while she was still inside of me. I've been getting better, but my family's falling apart, why is it that in chaos i survive; I wonder if that means I've got no heart. So now I've told you just a section of who I really am; you have a puzzle piece to my soul, and you don't have to kiss my hand. Now ill be getting married in a few years, I know that's not a lie, are you glad now, you know some of my secrets, are you sure you wont cry?