Psychologically still thirteen

Psychologically still thirteen Ordinarily meaning pre Internet days familiarization with me would entail bringing the avid listener into my private mancave hideaways less a physical place than a juncture in relationship, (whereby one or the other of us) would adopt the guise of liaise to gently coax (seal) along trust, whereby ye might interject supportive praise spurring me acknowledge takeaways baring my soul analogous to shine on me (comfortably numb) body electric mimicking x-rays. Greetings fair lass without any fanfare from this common man, (albeit a married sexagenarian) writing another prefabricated blurb (ad) aware that patience may be in short supply regarding whoe eyes alight on these words. A non malingering effect from angst riddled adolescence written into nooks and crannies of sixty plus shades of gray matter delineating, housing, limning pounding, and tormenting mein kampf these three score and four orbitz brutally subjected psyche (analogous to post traumatic stress disorder) with noxious and ferocious blistering and battering browbeating, (but kept on ticking) viz shell shocking absorbed courtesy sixty plus four shades of gray matter testament as clear water credence, which wretched psychological consignment as veritable verbal whipping post spanned mine impressionable living (social) years decades ago, the psycho (babbling) social mental events left indelible imprint etched blackened barbs upon my rubber soul ova this pa soon after he made his debut (out the birth canal) on a win tree January thirteenth day hence, though a survivor of self starvation i yam confounded as an older pence sill necked geek, what drove dead set emotional, physical and spiritual sense less (and socially costly) ambition to die with fervency that invariably disallowed being linkedin to other gals or gents enduring the quotidian onslaught of this immense lee debilitating illness of the mind, where emaciation revealed abs - sense of properly healthy flesh, which grim reaper insignia viz skull and cross bones readily underscored with dark shadows, where edge of night descended once upon upon a time countenance of happy go lucky boy, whose ***** forever snatched out his body still self evident today, how yours truly corporeal deportment exhibits non verbal body language being noticeably physically tense. Despite fifty one birthdays elapsed since cataclysmic eruption rent asunder while civil war within self notched (experiencing an arrow escape), pitted, and rutted ironclad maiden of deathly hallows clasped psyche, an internal maelstrom wrenched worthiness pitting mien as blunder bulldozing with razor blades former childhood wondrous glee raising suicide quiet riotous ambition, a painfully slow (self starvation) mine inexorable ride left yawning stunted chasm webbed, whirled and wide, which chronological Grecian frieze kept hog-tied with iron rail grippe, and hide bound this one grown male dredging haunting spectre – as if yours truly barely survived a brutish, nasty and shortish gale proper healthy development did fail drudge er re: with every exhale where to be gratefully dead – within Elysian dale. After helping beget second of two offspring, which punim afflicted with developmental delays she, the youngest o me two female progeny nevertheless segued untrammeled thru twenty plus four years on February fourth two thousand twenty three, which observance of young people easily triggers flashback to wretched tears sans that insidious roiling jagged stone shredding/ thwarting desire to be alive shockwaves extant to this day - no matter long since recovered from nosedive emotional, psychological & social repercussions hound me present mental state indelible permanent scars (per anxiety, panicky, quirky tics) seem never to abate try as I might to shake free from the riptide affects that drowned this boy to grow he experiences an especially perilous remembrance of things past, that abysmal infernal woe when thee second punim o thine two lovely offspring passed that milestone age with nary a hint how her papa felt locked up within his abysmal agonizing stage impossible to forgive permanent harm inflicted not only on self but searing pain both my late mother & father whose angst this dada insight re: did gain from bringing forth his own progeny each a smart reed exploring cornucopia of life experiences - unlike mice elf at their ages which years eclipsed at breakneck speed whereby each special daughter - daring to block and tackle challenges indeed with greater rolly Poe lee moxie engendering me to announce L’Chaim qua greater self-esteem they did feed evincing greater sturdiness akin to hardy weed about stay'n alive almost bound to surpass their papa hemming and hawing way and boast (when and/or if they ever beget offspring) how coping with life coast them manageable efforts versus permanently branding my youthful ghost of Christmases past - when ability to function as recipient per host averse to bing a guest, and easily mistaken for a stick figure or off fence post forever knowing potential to die, that burned life force like blackened toast recidivism in times of despair temptation to cease eating attempts with jabbing knife pains to fork get recreating duress, with hunger pains even to this day frequently blithely ignored as if still callous tempted, lured and baited by hand of death this grown man wished inxs to kiss. Methinks, I blithely shared most of this confidential information before trying to retain the initial core when Matthew dashed out the door up with greater clarity, that perchance numbered four sentiment when (a near futile) attempt made bon Jovian jour to evoke slow burning suicide less or more This note originally composed, when psychologically poor and slightly updated with minor tweaks to bolster and shore to ply tire less role of taxi for youngest daw tour, whose most recent orbitz round the sun as iterated her twenty fourth birthday already whar February fourth two thousand and twenty three.