Pretend

Afraid to feel and afraid to know, What my emotions may bring. Numbness washes over me like a tsunami of pretend. Denial and pretending is such an easy way of avoidance. But can also be more detrimental than the truth itself in the long run. I never realized how much fear has paralyzed me on so many levels to be able to love myself. I feel stronger very day. I avoid feelings because then the failure seems less painful and unjust. I must practice what I preach and face the things I fear the most. I want to obtain the skill to let go of the things I must not and cannot control. Knowing and believing that control is another survival mechanism, I will do my best to let go and release the chains that bind me to this unhealthy place in my life. I must realize my reality and won up to what I have become. A diamond in the rough.