Powerless

You find me when I am weak, not tired; the rush of anxiety has overtaken me and made a fool of my strength. You find me when I can’t sit still, moving helplessly from room to room looking for a fix; for you. I drink you and find myself again; I find calmness again, I find absentmindedness. I thought we’d live here until we died, but everyone is dividing; everyone is leaving the place I thought was home. I am alone, save for you, my friend. Give me a sip and save me from the worries of the day. You are here to save me, here to relieve me of the pain I cannot purge from my heart. Again and again I find you in the depths of my madness clinging to me like a child and opening my mouth so you can pour your amber liquid down my throat to assuage my grief. I thought I had conquered you and your tempting ways, but I am too powerless to resist your call; your endless love. I find you everywhere to mix my fear with polluted water that puts my mind at ease for a short time, just until I need you again. Another drink, another empty bottle in the trash staring up at me, reminding me of my failure. I ignore it and twist the cap of another, pour you into me and let you invade my mind with your poison. Everything is wonderful now, everyone is beautiful; there are so many features of my life I did not notice until I had your taste upon my lips. I find I do not crave you so in the morning hours. I tell myself you’re not what I need until you abuse my mind with your perpetual badgering; your promise of the feeling you left me with the night before. Drown me in my sorrows but allow me to see some light. I cannot reach the yellow sun when I’m swimming in your pool.