Please Quietly Build Me a Flibbertigibbet

(alternately titled: this stoned temple pilot ready for Styx) I hate tubby a nuisance boot ma checking account... suffered a major hit strafed with a shock king (difficult to absorb) 'bout mid morning today August fourteenth, tooth how sand eighteen and got rushed with clout to the nearest emergency triage facility, the doctors (all named Piggy Penny Banks) shook their head with doubt prognosis for recovery requires more'n just a dime a dozen, (or quarter back) appeal, hence my plea for posting, this helter skelter heroic measure summarily and in fact donate myself (earning Purple Heart as a non veteran) bone a (er) fide done deal yea, aye even forgo thine cock a doodle doo lil pecker, which minimally doth newt rue, stir, nor ring atrophied house broken barely visible prick tis docile, and (like a game cock) willy nilly able at a moe mince notice dir wreck lee (stand stiff) head over heal no...no..no, though strut that eye feel rendered poverty stricken, a sudden dark mood finds me less eager tubby alive asper thine primary (albeit only) checking account poorly weathered a kamikaze nose dive with the plight of pennilessness unexpectedly looming... (parental advisory) breaking news at five, when motley crews auto be buzzing like a b52 sized bee hive ah...mine posthumous fame, and fortune posse sub bully as palliative relieving grave gallows humor small consolation, whereat I cannot fathom to facebook, snapchat, nor do the shutterfly jive!