Permanent

Today I feel miserable. Not just your run of the mill sorrow, but it's as if my thoughts have morphed into blades and sliced their way into my heart. My brain has imprinted your memories into my mind, too far deep to ever be retracted. I've found peace within the pain, accepted it perhaps. Because even though it hurts to think of you, I can't stop. Your soul will live on for eternity, and permanently in my heart. Sometimes I pretend that you've never really left this earth. I see you often. In my dreams, in strangers that roam the street, the ones with the same innocent blue eyes as yours. I can still hear your laughter. It has been 247 days since I have physically been in your presence. 247 days without answers, without closure, without...you. Everything that led up to that day was despicable. You deserved gold, but received gravel. But hatred is poisonous. And if I allow anymore poison to slip into my blood, then I may be gone as well. So I will try to forgive, but can never forget. I love you more than I love myself.