Perhaps This Is a Self Pity Cycle

There's empty space sometimes Pressing refresh to see if there's a message Looking at the person occupying the same house but a million miles away I'm not sure how I cross the space I try but I feel uninvited I'll consider whether that is just my innate position - feeling uninvited - You know it is. Was. Is still there. 'Maybe I'm not wanted' couldn't be more of an innate feeling for me It's very hard to overcome It feels b e a u t i f u l when I do though Feeling welcome and wanted just floods me with all the serotonin or dopamine feel goods I love that space, the one where I forget to watch for cues that someone is bored of me Feeling like I'm imposing is getting me down, always has It's hard to shake So it's a shame I can't offset that with all the times I've been truly welcome It's not like it doesn't happen I can be pretty ace company Give excellent professional advice that reassures (with a couple of light hearted jokes to show I'm not stern) Be the bringer of fun It's just there will always be something that reminds me Not wanted - just horrible words It's something I need to address, somehow or stop caring about, somehow Maybe there's just indifference in this space Maybe I'll change my vibe It's external validation again I suppose The blight I'm brilliant at solitude and stillness, so achieving being happy alone isn't the remedy I know how to be liked But I value being wanted beyond the best bits So I don't make it at all easy I could, I could be so nice to know Ahh this poem isn't leading to a revelation Why don't I concentrate on being nice to know? I suppose liking me at my best is too easy I'm the shape that doesn't fit, interesting to study a while but too complicated to figure out Or maybe not - maybe the illusion of interest These words need to find the right shaped bin