Pariah heap - savagely subjecting myself to humiliation

Pariah heap - savagely subjecting myself to humiliation Outward slovenly appearance bespeaks volumes wordsworth their weight in gold (exhumed from the pith of these lovely bones - beclothed with mottled skin) presages afterlife of hellish horror (think Dante's inferno), nevertheless a respite from earthly torture wracking mein kampf since conception. I lived without great expectations diploid on an impossible mission set in motion courtesy triggered pleasure zones, when natural propensity toward mortality yielded mutual intense or paroxysmal excitement after unbridled love making between then young parents of mine approximately circa early/mid April nineteen hundred and fifty eight. Begot upon initial cleavage of two gametes genetic fate decreed upon yours truly, when nine months later a scrawny boy traversed thru the birth canal uneventfully into the hands of waiting obstetrician. Mother placed me near her bosom, where I busted thru ample cleavage nursed courtesy milk of human kindness until she became high and dry pacified scraggly baby, who screamed at the top of his little lungs possibly linked to submucous palate split uvula - diagnosed years later by specialist at Lancaster Cleft palate clinic. Severe nasality as Aladdin in grade school linkedin with extreme introvertedness grist for the role as scapegoat bully me pronounced major inferiority complex prevailed. Suicidal ideation throve as unhealthy psychological bumper crop: I cared not a whit for mine body, mind, and soul negligent hygienic habits - unkempt appearance abhorred cleanliness, greaseball outlier videlicet witnessed infrequent visits to bathing or showering facilities let hair grow long and ratty, and shaggy passive aggressive stance toward family of origin members sought refuge in mine bedroom remained metaphorically hermetically sealed until emerging adulthood entrenched, fixated, and glued to aforementioned behavioral traits. Challenged, piqued, and tested and tried patience of parents passed their threshold of tolerance. Overstayed welcome at 324 Level Road at the receiving end of hollow ultimatums browbeaten courtesy damning epithets fueled glowering hatred, issuing kickass brickbats, out the mouths of mommy dearest or papa, silently internalized their vicious wrath. Smoldering rage within me tamped down as brilliant comeuppance did not visit mother on her deathbed, nevertheless wept profusely while wailing "I love you" over the telephone, and every May fourth - since two thousand and five crafted commemorative poems, she always asked for written acknowledgement at the least remembering her birthday - November thirteenth - from second born and singular son. No escape from being called oppressive scatological names, neither at home nor at school, and including riding the bus brutal, short and nasty invectives assaulted my sensitive eardrums of course with futility impossible mission to deflect blacked banal barbs, whether besieging me from so called wonderful, albeit infuriated parents continually wounding mine ego, which pride of self never robust subsequently such regular (unleaded) cruelty outsourced to every ogre witnessed an aggrieved boy silently pained courtesy whiplash of words accosting consciousness submissively accepting battering haranguing, poisoning, stinging standing stockstill forbearance vetting psyche, the tragedy exhibited by stoic facade and charade generating absolute zero responsiveness from an introverted anxiety plagued youngster, who grew up emotionally, physically and spiritually stunted scratching out pathetic poetry.