Poor Pandora

We ponder Pandora as the person preordained to unleash a plethora of plagues upon our persons. But here's what I heard: Pandora had two sisters, Persephone and Proserpina. Pandora perused poetry while Persephone practiced petite-point. But Proserpina possessed the predilection for picking on people. She pestered the portly, poor, pretty and plain. Her past preceded her. Their parents were pleased when the prince invited Pandora and Persephone to a party he was planning at the palace. He passed on Proserpina. She pouted. Then she paced, plotted and planned. She proceeded to the pantry where Penelope, her mother, kept the panko and the peppercorns for her pop-ups and where Papa, the apothecary, placed the key to the padlock on his painted pagoda wherein he kept his potions and the preponderance of his prescriptions. She purloined the key, padded through the parlor past the piano and out through the pass way. But the key wouldn't fit properly. Thus she picked at the padlock with a pin until it popped. Within she found the parcel of reputed poisons. She placed it on the patio, pulling open the top. The package put forth a protuberance of pestilence so putrid Proserpina had to plug her proboscis. At her trial, she pleaded not guilty. When the prosecution posited, Proserpina prevaricated. When he probed, she pandered. Then Penelope professed that it was Proserpina who pestered people and that her past preceded her which was why the prince passed her over for the party. Proserpina then plotted to pick the padlock on the pagoda with a pin until it performed, placing the parcel on the patio and producing the pestilence. Penelope knew this because she'd stood pie-eyed in the portico while her preening, pretend princess pirouetted about the place. Proserpina was Papa's particular favorite, but no matter how he plead for pardon the Provost would not be placated. He pronounced Proserpina's punishment was to pray as a penitent postulate in a particularly penurious part of purgatory. Pretty soon Pandora wed the prince in a pageant of such pomp few in the plutocracy had ever purported to be a part of. Persephone married Peter Piper; as part of the prenuptial she procured a plenitude of pickled peppers: she preferred not a partner predisposed to pilfer produce. Papa premiered an emporium and became the pontiff of potions. Penelope's pop-ups were so popular she opened a pie shop where people could purchase a passel of pastries. The papers stopped printing pieces on Proserpina. The purpose of the proverb: to give poor Pandora a pass for Pete’s sake.