Out of Thin Air

I have this talent - I can create an ex-boyfriend out of thin air. **snapping fingers** Lisa and I had just gotten back to school from Thanksgiving break and my soon to be ex-study-partner arrives all passively-angry - with that withering, unmistakable, male-balance of harshness and ambivalence. I don’t even know what triggered his moral panic. I was bewildered at first. “We aren't dating,” I said, “we're study-partners.” We’d agreed early on and I saw the relationship as defined - with a period. He, apparently, saw it as more of an ellipsis… Then, we kissed one night. We were happy because we’d slammed the midterms. I thought of It as a “champagne kiss” moment of celebration - but it was a mistake that seemed to break some spell between us. After that, I could never utter the “yes” he wanted and our friendship momentum stalled. You could say that I’ve been slowly contracting around him to ordinariness - like an infatuation balloon deflating into disappointment. Still, I feel this stupid, hurtful sense of loss. Why am I so bad with guys?? Perhaps I should take the scientific approach and conduct exit-interviews. I’d LIKE to have a boyfriend, sometimes, but all I can see are negative consequences - and who has the TIME? Most nights, when my homework is finished, there’s only a few hours left over for sleep. He left me in a lurch - but I went through my class list and managed to study-group-up before finals (thank God).