On Performing Poetry Live Or Stage Anxiety

The last time I stood here I was terrified Fumbling and stumbling over words That didn't feel right in my mouth I had no way to explain the butterflies in my stomach And clouds in my mind What if I mess up What if I start getting tongue tied What if I start crying What if they don't like it? Like my story isn't as powerful as I thought Like it doesn't even matter I mean it's just me complaining anyway About my rape My bad body image The way I think I have an eating disorder The anxiety that plagues me everyday That damn stupid anxiety The same stuff I am struggling with right now The voice I am hearing saying "You can't do this" "No one cares" "Stop your whining!' No, no, no! Stop it! Every time I hear this voice it get louder and louder And there is no way to silence it No way to calm down The thoughts that race As my palms get sweaty And my stomach turns As I remember how I felt But then I remember how they reacted The gasps of shock The snaps that encouraged me to keep going The kind words of complete strangers People I may never see again And those who I see every week Who I have grown to know and love As they share this experience with me Share their hardships And I realize maybe it isn't that bad I can do this I may still get those butterflies Things might still cloud my head But I know everyone feels this I know that everyone is still here for me And I couldn't be more grateful