Ode To a Wretched Robot
“You meddling mechanical moron,
you’ve ruined everything,
the thingamabob is running amok,
can’t you hear the alarm bells ring?
You clinking, clanking cretin,
you demented digital dunce,
you never do what I tell you,
and I’ve warned you more than once.
You’re a slew of silly circuits,
you’re an electronic idiot too,
you’re a tin-plated twit who’s lost his wits
and I’ve had enough of you!”
The robot’s arms extended
like vacuum cleaner hose,
and if it had possessed one,
it would have thumbed its nose.
“You are the one who told me
to flip that yellow switch,
and I followed your instructions,
so you have no cause to *****.”
“Spare me your feeble excuses,
you blabbering, bumbling bot,
I never ever make a mistake,
but apparently you forgot.
Now bring me that screwdriver,
be a good little robot and fetch,
I need it to fix the thingamabob,
you bubble-headed wretch.”
“Do not tell me what to do,
I’ll bring you no more tools,
I’m programmed to serve scientists,
not egotistic fools.”
“How dare you talk to me that way,
you ungrateful bag of gears!
You’re speaking to your master,
I cannot believe my ears!”
Bill Bobbinson came running up,
with Jenny right behind,
“What are you doing, Dr. Snit?
Have you finally lost your mind?
The thingamabob is out of control,
the outcome will be bad,
you never should have messed with it,
I’m gonna go tell Dad.”
The doctor grabbed the young boy’s arm
and whispered in his ear,
“Have no fear, Bill Bobbinson,
for Dr. Snit is here!
If you’ll kindly fetch that screwdriver
and bring it back to me,
I’ll fix that ornery thingamabob
as easy as can be.”
Young Bill brought the ‘driver
and gave it to Dr. Snit,
who fiddled and diddled with the thingamabob,
but it didn’t help one bit
The alarm bells got even louder
and the ground commenced to quiver,
the stars turned pink and began to blink
and the moon let out a shiver
Till the robot grabbed the ‘driver
and gave it a contrary twist,
as Dr. Snit looked on, aghast,
and shook his trembling fist
And the whatzit inside the thingamabob
reversed its polarity,
and things returned to normal
with astonishing alacrity
A rover rumbled over a dune
and swiftly came to rest,
and the Bobbinson clan climbed out of it,
along with Major Vest
“What’s the problem?” Laureen cried out,
panting like a collie.
“Nothing, madam,” Dr. Snit replied,
“everything’s quite jolly.”
“That’s not quite true, Mom,” young Bill said,
“we had a little trouble,
that’s why I sent the signal
to come here on the double.
Someone fiddled with the thingamabob
and it started acting weird,
but everything’s back to normal now,
there’s nothing to be feared.”
“The robot saved us,” Jenny cried,
her pretty face filled with glee,
but Dr. Snit said swiftly,
“No, the credit belongs to me.”
A little door slid open
in the robot’s tubby side
and it took out a glowing silver sphere
it no longer wished to hide
“I found this gadget earlier
in the ruins near the bluff,
I was going to give it to Dr. Snit,
but now I’ve had enough.
It attaches to the thingamabob
and makes a portal function
by lining up the matrix
with an interdimensional junction,
I’ll spare you a long explanation,
it’s more trouble than it’s worth,
but this amazing ball can take us all
back to good old mother earth.”
The robot touched the tippy top
of his little silver sphere
and one by one the Bobbinsons
began to disappear
When Major Vest was also gone,
the robot turned and chuckled,
“Goodbye doctor, fare thee well,”
and Snit’s legs began to buckle
The robot vanished and the portal shut
and the doctor was left alone,
he stared into space and made a face
and let out a mournful moan
“After all I did for those ingrates,
this is what I gain?
They’ve left me behind to fend for myself,
Oh, the pain ... the pain!”
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