Ode To a Wretched Robot

“You meddling mechanical moron, you’ve ruined everything, the thingamabob is running amok, can’t you hear the alarm bells ring? You clinking, clanking cretin, you demented digital dunce, you never do what I tell you, and I’ve warned you more than once. You’re a slew of silly circuits, you’re an electronic idiot too, you’re a tin-plated twit who’s lost his wits and I’ve had enough of you!” The robot’s arms extended like vacuum cleaner hose, and if it had possessed one, it would have thumbed its nose. “You are the one who told me to flip that yellow switch, and I followed your instructions, so you have no cause to *****.” “Spare me your feeble excuses, you blabbering, bumbling bot, I never ever make a mistake, but apparently you forgot. Now bring me that screwdriver, be a good little robot and fetch, I need it to fix the thingamabob, you bubble-headed wretch.” “Do not tell me what to do, I’ll bring you no more tools, I’m programmed to serve scientists, not egotistic fools.” “How dare you talk to me that way, you ungrateful bag of gears! You’re speaking to your master, I cannot believe my ears!” Bill Bobbinson came running up, with Jenny right behind, “What are you doing, Dr. Snit? Have you finally lost your mind? The thingamabob is out of control, the outcome will be bad, you never should have messed with it, I’m gonna go tell Dad.” The doctor grabbed the young boy’s arm and whispered in his ear, “Have no fear, Bill Bobbinson, for Dr. Snit is here! If you’ll kindly fetch that screwdriver and bring it back to me, I’ll fix that ornery thingamabob as easy as can be.” Young Bill brought the ‘driver and gave it to Dr. Snit, who fiddled and diddled with the thingamabob, but it didn’t help one bit The alarm bells got even louder and the ground commenced to quiver, the stars turned pink and began to blink and the moon let out a shiver Till the robot grabbed the ‘driver and gave it a contrary twist, as Dr. Snit looked on, aghast, and shook his trembling fist And the whatzit inside the thingamabob reversed its polarity, and things returned to normal with astonishing alacrity A rover rumbled over a dune and swiftly came to rest, and the Bobbinson clan climbed out of it, along with Major Vest “What’s the problem?” Laureen cried out, panting like a collie. “Nothing, madam,” Dr. Snit replied, “everything’s quite jolly.” “That’s not quite true, Mom,” young Bill said, “we had a little trouble, that’s why I sent the signal to come here on the double. Someone fiddled with the thingamabob and it started acting weird, but everything’s back to normal now, there’s nothing to be feared.” “The robot saved us,” Jenny cried, her pretty face filled with glee, but Dr. Snit said swiftly, “No, the credit belongs to me.” A little door slid open in the robot’s tubby side and it took out a glowing silver sphere it no longer wished to hide “I found this gadget earlier in the ruins near the bluff, I was going to give it to Dr. Snit, but now I’ve had enough. It attaches to the thingamabob and makes a portal function by lining up the matrix with an interdimensional junction, I’ll spare you a long explanation, it’s more trouble than it’s worth, but this amazing ball can take us all back to good old mother earth.” The robot touched the tippy top of his little silver sphere and one by one the Bobbinsons began to disappear When Major Vest was also gone, the robot turned and chuckled, “Goodbye doctor, fare thee well,” and Snit’s legs began to buckle The robot vanished and the portal shut and the doctor was left alone, he stared into space and made a face and let out a mournful moan “After all I did for those ingrates, this is what I gain? They’ve left me behind to fend for myself, Oh, the pain ... the pain!”