Ode To a Toilet On a Mountaintop
I climbed a mountain in a land of sun
Of epic landscape and of sweet cuisine
But scarecely had my lone ascent begun
Than woke a silent urge for a latrine
Too long must I have lingered at the wide
And bounteous smorgasbord in the hotel
Time came for that accounting from inside
That urge, first faint, now grew to gastric hell
Yet upwards still I climbed, in the vain hope
That somewhere on that rocky mountain range
A toilet would appear with towel and soap
And under that hard sun, my luck would change
Alas not so - on all those barren rocks
No trace of any building could I see
Only the birds and scattered alpine flocks
Of sheep or goats to keep me company
All hope was nearly gone - when on the crest
Of a high ridge - O joy to make one cry!
I saw my heart’s desire made manifest
A wooden toilet underneath the sky
Upon the hilltop, there it stood with pride
A simple box with hole and plastic seat
A pristine roll of paper at its side
I took my place, in happiness complete
At last the gastric turmoil could relent
At last the call of nature was obeyed
I did the deed without embarrassment
Installed as king of all that I surveyed
It was a long-drop without flush or chain
After each movement - a short pause - then splash
How pleasant to relieve that nether pain
Upon that throne of wood - and pay no cash!
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