Ode To a Toilet On a Mountaintop

I climbed a mountain in a land of sun Of epic landscape and of sweet cuisine But scarecely had my lone ascent begun Than woke a silent urge for a latrine Too long must I have lingered at the wide And bounteous smorgasbord in the hotel Time came for that accounting from inside That urge, first faint, now grew to gastric hell Yet upwards still I climbed, in the vain hope That somewhere on that rocky mountain range A toilet would appear with towel and soap And under that hard sun, my luck would change Alas not so - on all those barren rocks No trace of any building could I see Only the birds and scattered alpine flocks Of sheep or goats to keep me company All hope was nearly gone - when on the crest Of a high ridge - O joy to make one cry! I saw my heart’s desire made manifest A wooden toilet underneath the sky Upon the hilltop, there it stood with pride A simple box with hole and plastic seat A pristine roll of paper at its side I took my place, in happiness complete At last the gastric turmoil could relent At last the call of nature was obeyed I did the deed without embarrassment Installed as king of all that I surveyed It was a long-drop without flush or chain After each movement - a short pause - then splash How pleasant to relieve that nether pain Upon that throne of wood - and pay no cash!