Not True To Him

When i look into his eyes and times are good my soul smiles. I love my boyfriend but im not true to him. Im unfaithful occasionally because he stop putting in effort to love me. Im wrong but in the presents of my mr-Desire i feel Good. No emotions exchanged for him the next morning i shower knowing he wants me to stay. Then i go back intonthe world of a woman who looks at her boyfriend with disgust sexually he is lazy. He holds me only when i ask. He sometimes over shadows my feelings so i can listen to his heart once in a blue moon i exscape. And go into the world of wanting sexually whats not mine. I cry sympathy tears for myself in the break of dawn for the hurt i cause. I know what i want in somebody. I fear rejection and being unwanted by the man i put first. Sleeping with the enemy in his presents Sometimes i feel alone. Cold and unappreciated. When times are Good and we both smile i adore my boyfriend. Im unfaithful to him our relationship is built on a lie. Cause im unhappy and i want him to know from my actions when i argue and fight with him to push him away but he wont go. All the hope i put into loving my boyfriend killed my desires of seeing a future with him. Im not free im not loved like i want to. I want to be true but his way of loving me isnt what i want. Im lonely im confused and i just wanna do right.