Not Reality, Actuality

Eyes open to reality but I'm stuck in actuality My life is desirable but only to whom who never see me depressed hiding alone in my room I'm the fast car that speeds by you and for a second you wish it was at the turn of your neck but miles down the roads come to find me banged up in a wreck and for a sec I felt I had it all figured out until the impossible became possible because I guess It was always a possibility How do I accept my faults and move on without destroying my pride and dignity If we all matter and we're all matter how come I'm losing my energy like what's gotten into me I see no change in my appearance to be honest all I see is important people disappearing but that's only once it's too late and someone mentions their disappearance see I'm constructing a life no longer constructed of lies and I apologize if I lied I guess we're all a little compulsive making decisions on impulses and I'm very impulsive I do then I think I should've thought before I did i should've never fought so many battles I should've quit and just hid but that's not in my character I'm too stuck on tryna make a difference so I take all of the blame even the outcome comes out different I don't ask you to understand nor do I ask you listen I'm just releasing my thoughts from this well guarded prison I write to clear my mind not to be relatable but that's often debatable my grass is barely green but I know people with a darker shade or two so I can't complain I just live content with the fact that I'm able to live I can't waste time wondering about the what ifs because life is uncertain and that's for certain my body is tired and my mind is still hurtin