No Soup For You

People loved my soup but they hated me. Everybody referred to me as the Soup Nazi. I was strict with people and they feared me because I'm scary. I scream my head off, that's why I've never been able to marry. Everybody knew something that was certainly true. When people pissed me off, I yelled "No soup for you!" I refused to sell soup to a woman for kissing her boyfriend while standing in line. My rules were going to be obeyed, I don't care that enforcing them was unkind. I refused to sell soup to a bald man because he wanted free bread. When a woman found my recipes in my armoire, I wanted to be dead. Just because I treated her like dirt, she published them and put me out of business. I had to close my restaurant and return to Argentina, my life truly is a mess. I demanded discipline, breaking my rules was what I didn't allow. I will one day return to America and slaughter Elaine like a cow! (This poem was inspired by a Seinfeld episode.)