My Response To Rumi

I’ve been craving this madness- searching for ways to become the woman I God intended me to be. Before time was invented I longed for strange interactions and concrete answers. But nothing was worse…than the disease of thirst- I laid on my bed hoping for redemption. A healing…a way to release my desires without causing heartbreak. If I too become the sickness that surrounds my essence then I too have fallen into the pit of destruction. Feeding, searching and seeking miracles to give me a sense of security. I’ve been full of disease for way too long and in the end my illness will break me for good. Seize me- Break me- Somehow make me... healthy enough for healing. When I faced acceptance that I may be the only one who needed good council to survive, I then realized I was at fault with this anomaly. I have died too young and searched far too wide- Now I lay in a lonely grave where beauty should have prevailed. I watch from above and see how I should have starved for something else. Something that would ease my troubled soul. But here I am- A sacrificed lamb- Left in death with no one to call my own. I too desired healing- I too fell ill- I too believed in redemption- I too lived in hell. "If you desire healing, let yourself fall ill let yourself fall ill." -  Jalaluddin Rumi December 20, 2016