My Prison My Comfort

I've been forcefully imprisoned here for so long that I'm finding it's the only place that I can find comfort. I'm learning that I really don't know anything outside of these four walls. Solid white walls, all I see is black. There's a certain comfort in my darkness that I can't find anywhere else. The comfort of my darkness has become my best friend. I try to unlock the doors and release myself out into society. But I quickly find myself running back to my cell. To feel ALL of the emotions of others is quite detrimental to ME. My prison is quite lonely, yet, it is my ONLY friend. It doesn't judge me, belittle me or ridicule me for anything I do. My cell is quite loving to me. Every day I wish to have visitors. Occasionally someone does show up. And when they do? It's a joyous occasion. But I find my comfort when they're gone and I return to my cell and allow my darkness to embrace me once again. On sunny days I open the window to allow the sunshine in. I NEED the life-giving light. But yet I'm afraid to step out into it. Everyday my cell is flooded with tears. I desire so much to be FREED from this prison. But yet the thought of stepping out raises my anxiety to panic levels. I WANT TO BE FREE!. How do I release myself from the prison I was forced into yet am so afraid to leave?. K.Jones 2/20/19