My Mind Body and Soul

My Mind Heart and Soul I seem to laugh yet never entertained My smile shine bright but my joy is detained Cold and sore my heart slowly disintegrates Falling piece by piece into a dark cage A cage where childhood innocence goes to die And your greatest memories line the filthy ash smudged floors All thing i wish i can have back lying there Rusting Mildewing Covered by the ashes of my heart Never to be recovered And i can accept that This cage is an alternative fact This is a place where love is abusive and untrustworthy Yet it is the only magic I believe in It teases me as i try to find it Like voodoo it kills me blissfully and silently This is a place where words are misunderstood As i speak i hurt others but if i stay quite i feed the darkness controlled by the desperate soul Overruled by depression pain and anger Depression The frostbit culprit that is trying to freeze the hands of hope on my clock of faith Hoping that time will stop and i will become numb to reality Forgetting everything as my vision fades darkening as i watch my pain exude me from existence Somedays i want to give in Wondering if i did who would care Would they notice I have to remind myself yes they will I am important to people I will understand when I become more important to myself And i can accept that Pain The echos through the halls of my mind The voices change They try break me with memories Echos of children laughter slowly drowned out with tormenting chants of my peers Graceful voices of my grandparents and playful arguments with cousins Corrupted by sounds of malicious insults and church bells The cries ring out They overwhelm me I break down as i feel the darkness creeping up I fall to my knees seeking answers and pleading for forgiveness It starts to get quite… not quite enough… i won't stop until i hear the ticking of my clock Tick-tock Tick-tock Tick-tock Tick-tock Even though the thoughts are still dark i know it takes time and patience for the light to shine again And i can accept that Anger… Dear misguided anger… Brainwashed by regrets and unspoken truths Feeding off the pieces of my broken heart Smoke forming from the hatred and the squandered dreams it feeds off of Growing more sinister everyday With every tear Shedded and held back It never made a difference But anger wasn't what it is now It just has been it the darkness to long Anger was once joy But now my exuberance is shackled Held down by undeniable failure and unforgettable torture The same murderous duo who victimised Euphoria and Pleasure Every night this disconnected trio join together in the center of the cage They try their hardest to freeze the clock Hoping they can dim my heart For the darkness to grow and sink it in the cage to linger Hoping it will become powerless But it never works Every night hoping the others will break free my heart chants I am beautiful I am strong I thank God that he carries me on I am brave and i am kind I know that God will never leave me behind So here i sit and here i stay Because through the lies and all the pain I know god will help me find a way That is why he wakes me up everyday -Javonda