My Life Is a Circle

I hate it when people get excited about my recovery. My life isn't a line on a graph; when I'm better I won't stay there. My life is a circle, and my recovery is temporary. Relapse is imminent. I won't stay well for long. When my friends congratulate me on the re-growth of my hair or the healing of my skin, I want to cry for them, because my happiness gives them false hope. My success only tricks them into believing I'm healed; I'm getting better. It blinds them from the inevitable downfall that I will face. So when I become unwell, waves of guilt overwhelm me. I know my suffering is a disappointment to them. My heart aches for those who refuse to accept the unending pain that I must endure. My life is a circle, and my recovery is temporary. Although relapse is imminent, I find hope in the logic that my pain must be temporary, too.