My Heart

MY HEART Oh, this heart of mine beats a thousand times and been broken and mended many times. It was covered with curtains in different shades. The hues representing pain, sorrows, anger, fear, doubts, hope, love, forgiveness, joy, expectations. Purple for the pain and aches for the struggles, hardships, trials and losses, personal and financial. Gray for the sorrows from separations, temporary with hope of reconnecting and permanent, like death. Red for anger, the times when I felt I could not take anything anymore and just wanted to scream and thought of fleeing somewhere to start over and be free, incognito, away from everybody. Black for depression and doubts, the time of darkness when everything was collapsing right before my eyes, when I felt numb and nothing could ease the pain and the overwhelming melancholy that I had doubts and questioned how unfair life was, just like how Mother Teresa had doubts why there were so many poor people suffering unlike others, who had too much excess. Blue for sadness when my hopes and expectations were in vain and my efforts were to no avail. Green for hope of making it through, overcoming the hurdles, the detours, the cross roads of life. Pink for love, the continuous unselfish love I give and the love I receive and the love all around me. Gold for forgiveness for people with heart of gold forgive and let go of the differences, strife for peace. Yellow for joy, happiness I feel when I’m with my loved ones and when we create memories together. Orange when my expectations are realized and everything turns rosy and bright, like the sunshine. White for my Constant Companion, who guides and leads me the way and at the same time being alongside me, being with me and for me that the curtains of my heart shredded one by one. I’m keeping the white curtain of my heart and adding a silver lining for this diminutive heart of mine is asking my Constant Companion with expectation that love finds me someday, somewhere, somehow. 12/21/20 Curtains of My Heart Poetry Chantelle Anne Cooke