My Fearful Cycle

My life generally goes in a certain cycle The way it flows leaves me disposed and rotten But not before i'm buttered up like a pig being fattened just to cook I need to be reminded of what I have so when it's gone it'll hurt The cycle usually starts off amazing It starts with a feeling of complete happiness I am always skeptical of my bliss because I know in time it will fade like snow melts See I often start wanting something wanting something with my whole heart and soul and usually because god is good to me I receive it and I know how the story goes so I cherish it but even as i'm cherishing it they're plotting plotting to mess up what I have Pretty soon the bee has stung and i'm sitting outside on the ground all alone again just like I was meant to cause when I have something good I can never hold onto it. That's why I think i'm cursed to live in this cycle and never go in reverse Never get to savor. Never get to settle. Never bask in the moment. The moments over too soon I fear this cycle so much. It's left me empty and hard Friendless Afriad of happiness. It's left me searching for a loop hole