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My Demise

Captivating eyes Hair to spare Could he be my demise? I like him I love him It's always been him I never took interest in other guys So tell me Is he my demise I guess I'll go for the ride This crush I can't hide He will always be dear to me Even if It kills me His looks are to kill When it comes to him I have no chill So I ask you Is he my demise? Without him I feel stuck Without love I think what I feel could be... LOVE Towards my Could be demise In my eyes Forever loving him will be seen As a prize To obtain He will most certainly be a Gain My personal Demise Using my arsenal To achieve my purpose To make my mark For him and the world I suppose The worst part is to be hated I know my feelings will never be reciprocated I love him I'll admit it Even though the outcome will surely be grim Unwanted Yet Cherished Get him out of my head I said as I stopped thinking I had a chance And rolled out of bed

Copyright © | Year Posted 2017




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Date: 2/27/2017 1:56:00 AM
Hi Emily, I like your poem. I know how much you would like to have comments. I replied to another poet with a comment that would help you perhaps too: PoetrySoup is a community. Which means that people need to know you're here before they will start reading and commenting on your poems. The best way to do that, is by reading their poems, and leave a comment on those poems. If you do that, people will notice you're here, and they will start reading your poems, and commenting too. Good luck :)
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Date: 2/26/2017 9:27:00 PM
Nicely done, Emily. A hard question - even if not your demise, there can be a lot of pain involved. I have little criticism of your poem. You have many very short lines - if that is totally your intent, then fine. If not, it breaks up the flow of the reader's progression in places; perhaps combining the words into longer lines would serve well?
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Emily Breese
Date: 2/27/2017 2:57:00 PM
That was my intended purpose so when reading the reader will pause while going to the next line so that it is more dramatic
Date: 2/26/2017 6:35:00 PM
Please if u read the poem comment so I can improve in other works of the written word
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Date: 2/26/2017 1:09:00 PM
I give myself a four seeing as I have no experience in the world of poetry
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Book: Shattered Sighs