My Demise

Captivating eyes
Hair to spare
Could he be my demise?
I like him 
I love him
It's always been him
I never took interest in other guys
So tell me
Is he my demise
I guess I'll go for the ride
This crush
I can't hide
He will always be dear to me 
Even if
It kills me
His looks are to kill
When it comes to him
I have no chill
So I ask you
Is he 
       my demise?
Without him I feel stuck
Without love
I think what I feel could be...
LOVE
Towards my 
Could be demise
In my eyes 
Forever loving him will be seen
As a prize
To obtain
He will most certainly be a 
Gain
My personal
Demise
Using my arsenal
To achieve my purpose
To make my mark
For him and the world I suppose
The worst part is to be hated
I know my feelings will never be reciprocated
I love him
I'll admit it
Even though the outcome will surely be grim
Unwanted 
Yet
Cherished
Get him out of my head 
I said as I stopped thinking I had a chance
And rolled out of bed
Copyright © | Year Posted 2017

Poem

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February 27, 2017 at 1:56 AM
Hi Emily, I like your poem. I know how much you would like to have comments. I replied to another poet with a comment that would help you perhaps too: PoetrySoup is a community. Which means that people need to know you're here before they will start reading and commenting on your poems. The best way to do that, is by reading their poems, and leave a comment on those poems. If you do that, people will notice you're here, and they will start reading your poems, and commenting too. Good luck :)
Vinson Avatar
February 26, 2017 at 9:27 PM
Nicely done, Emily. A hard question - even if not your demise, there can be a lot of pain involved. I have little criticism of your poem. You have many very short lines - if that is totally your intent, then fine. If not, it breaks up the flow of the reader's progression in places; perhaps combining the words into longer lines would serve well?
Breese Avatar
February 27, 2017 at 2:57 PM
That was my intended purpose so when reading the reader will pause while going to the next line so that it is more dramatic
Breese Avatar
February 26, 2017 at 6:35 PM
Please if u read the poem comment so I can improve in other works of the written word
Breese Avatar
February 26, 2017 at 1:09 PM
I give myself a four seeing as I have no experience in the world of poetry
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