My Better Half

My wife is quite the conman. She’s a wonder with a fib. Her strengths are dodging questions, and she is the “queen of glib.” I asked her very nicely how she'd boogered up the car. She simply said, “I’ll bet it prob’ly happened at -- the bar.” The problem with that answer is…the “bar” is my domain. So what she’s actually saying is…there’s nothing to explain! And if this doesn’t throw me off, she’ll start to use her eyes. If dirty looks won’t do the trick…she promptly up and cries. She always finds a way to make me feel like I’m a fool, And I am left a stunned and speechless man. It’s really cruel. I’ve even tried…with no success…all kinds of therapy, Yet…how she always does this is a mystery to me. And time applied toward understanding is unwisely spent… My - “better half” - is closer to 'round - ninety-five per cent!