My Beautiful Bruised Brain

Igniting pain retrieving the chemical imbalance in my brain soft tissue itched my frontal lobe leaned over my forehead as my temporal lobe offered little comfort in cognitive skills my optic nerve damage piercing pain over my right eye I didn't dare blink as I began to wonder how much time my brain actually has to continue writing poetry I had summited several poems an yet my brain injury frightened me so much that in a fight flight mode I began summitting poems uncontrollably thee sudden impulse to continue writing after my severe brain injury the doctors said I was partially blind due to the car bomb crushing my eye socket diplopia vertigo these strange words the worse fear of onset dementia could arise so I began writing over ten poems a day about all subjects since my wearing wires pregnant for the FBI was the topic of my mental illness I could still hear my fetus heartbeats clearly in between the panic attacks witnessing a murder domestic violence complete fear of killers coming to end my life I was unraveled clinically depressed chronic ptsd anxiety disorder and panic disorder I couldn't breathe without panting and crying memories hurt I wasn't myself the blessing was I had written and autobiography of my life and all of my poems were literally autobiographical this helped me immensely while submitting poetry winning contest writing about my own mental illness it truly saddened me to read my own work after all the brain injury was quite clear lots of my words misspelled then even backwards grammar was vague too I felt lost and empty bullied intimidated by what appeared to be intelligent persons who wanted to market my poetry but I continued writing I got lots of threats taunting teasing if she only had a brain was my favorite or retards can't write poetry I felt horrible and actually stopped submitting my work because I submitted so many poems it was amazing comforting I didn't have time to edit with doctors appointments therapy an yet I still got great poem Yolanda exceptional poem we would like to use your poem for our sound of poetry masterpiece I felt awkward ashamed to be broken all the bullying had literally changed me into that retard the name calling fit typing with one finger and still do my hand was crushed I was broken my spelling was off I couldn't tie my shoe or hold a fork I definitely could not edit or proof read all the poems I'd written i was completely overwhelmed I didn't want to be rushed to publish my work by bullies looking to market my mental health poetry it wasn't until a few months after my brain injury I read poems by the seven year old poet Mattie Stepanik who finally loss his battle with MS. so I wrote a poem Mattie in memory of him wow this little tyke sitting in a wheel chair with MS. writing poetry when everyone said can't he did he said everyone has a poet inside of them write keep writing be your own hero my god this was the reason I ever submitted a poem my son encouraged me to enter after his teachers admired a few of my poems it was Montel Williams poetry contest I thought what a gem looking at this disabled poet I saw myself my broken bruised brain in a wheel chair I began copying everything I write to edit my brain began to respond to the writing task comforting coping with my own disabilities with grace dignity this is my mental health month this is my story May is national Mental Health month and also National Military family month as we remember the triumph of all who served and passed fallen This memorial day I'm sending prayers to anyone who has or ever had a loved one suffer from traumatic brain injury or any mental illness always remember awareness saves lives stay safe god bless you and God Bless The United States of America.