Mummy
So what’s your excuse for a blind date?
My boyfriend cheated on me, what’s yours?
Caught my mum in bed with my girlfriend.
Did you say anything?
No, she was on top, so I didn’t want to do anything
Did you tell your Dad
No, my Dad's girlfriend killed him when she found out he was married.
Wow, you don’t have a sister, do you?
I do, but she’s not allowed within ten miles of the house.
Is she a psycho or what?
No, she smashed a chair over Mum's head when she caught her in bed with her boyfriend.
What, your mum was on top again.
I suppose so, it’s not really a picture I want to see.
Do you have a photo of your mum?
Yes, that’s her there.
Wow, I don’t usually have lesbian tendencies, but I’d do your mum.
Yes, a lot of people want to do my mum, I don’t get it.
Can I meet her?
Why the hell would you want to meet her?
I don’t know, can I be your girlfriend?
Is this so you can meet my mum?
Of course not, can I go home with you now?
My god, what is wrong with you, woman?
Can I meet your sister, why don’t we get married?
We’ve only just met.
I know, but I already feel part of the family.
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