Morning Ritual

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* For all those who suffer from the affects of sleep apnea. *

Fade-in to darkness
   Blink slow, quicker ... eyes open
      Still dark, but I can't go back to sleep again
         I WON'T!

I feel like death ...
   Exhausted, and such dysphoria
      Oh, to go back into slumber and never wake again
         Just to be free of this horrific feeling

But Life tugs ... just enough
   Vague impressions of struggling
      Gulping for breath ...
         Heart beating through my chest to get air

Broken, fading memories of nightmares, deep
   Dreams of drowning, being choked ...
      Roped from a tree and swaying
         Dangling feet twitching with my final gasps ...

Or sinking slowly ...
   Tumbling into the abyss
      Rays of sunlight light pillars
         I grab for them, futile, as I swallow water

And fade into the cold depths ...
   Or giant, sharp-nailed hands around my throat
      Squeezing slowly as a sick grimace contorts and twists
         Its cold breath spit in my face

Cartilage in my neck snapping, crunching
   My breaths slowing ... gone.
      Never exactly the same
         But always the same outcome ...

NO AIR ... and struggle
   Then waking to this depression and fatigue
      So intense that I wish for my end
         But responsibility forces me to rise ... again

And slowly ... slowly ... slowly ...
   I feel a bit better
      Say a prayer for the day
         And hope that maybe ...

Maybe tonight ...
   My apnea won't be quite as bad
      Or the dreams ...
         As terrifying.




* FIRST PLACE in the "Morning Ritual" Poetry Contest, Line Gauthier, Sponsor. *

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P.M. Richter

Date: 1/5/2018 4:38:00 PM

Beautiful. Unfortunately we get so convinced that the dream is real. Congratulations on your win Greg. Well deserved!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 1/5/2018 4:50:00 PM

Indeed, PM, while you're dreaming them they ARE real, and affect us as profoundly as reality ... thankfully we often forget much about them, but those lingering, vivid nightmares stay with you ... sometimes for FAR too long. Thanks for the kind comments, my friend ... blessings to you! :-)

Janice Canerdy

Date: 1/5/2018 8:43:00 AM

Gripping, terrifyingly descriptive, and heart-wrenching, Greg. Congrats on your well-deserved win! Janice

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 1/5/2018 4:48:00 PM

I'm so pleased it touched you in some way, Janice, thank you very kindly. Blessings, my friend! :-) <3

Barbara Barry-Nishanian

Date: 1/5/2018 1:29:00 AM

Oh my! Unbelievable!!! Congrats. I understand, apnea...plus P.A.H. and congested heart failure. No pity party here just thrilled with your work. Want to get to know you. WOW!!!

Gregory Richard Barden
Date: 1/5/2018 4:45:00 PM

Oh, that's very sweet of you to say, Barbara, thank you so much! I'm so pleased you enjoyed this and could relate, (though I wish NONE of yur health issues on anyone) ... I'm so sorry you've been through it all, and you will be in my daily thoughts, sending positivity your way. Blessings, my friend! :-) <3