Grandiose

What if I don't want the smudges off the shields? Why should I seek what races away from me? Not all struggles are worth the sweats. Can I choose myself and forget about how ironed my shirt should be? How laced my shoes are. Can I embrace the empty feelings of frustration? Build a pack alone, set the sky on fire, sink in those rough edges so it obstructs the reflection because my view reminds me that I'm not enough. Spent years searching for lights, yet I stay darkened. I looked back and everything changed, life afresh at its peak. Can I choose to burn my wings and accept my fate, a failure? Maybe lie on the beach sculpting fishes in my head. Lit candles, twirl around hoping it manifests. Because in the end what use are the strives? The world remains numb, my stress and worth, palliatives. But then, what is purpose without thorns? What is pain without tears? Mourn without death? Maybe I can grow if I wither. I should treat my losses and bleeds like paints. Wear a mask until I'm healed. Stand on my ground, clean the surface so I see my mistakes, maybe a glow.