Limericks and other funny tricks -- updated

What I saw in your vicinity was a bustling femininity. And thoughts that jumped into my head, I very quickly put to bed for fear of the Holy Trinity. Each time I hear Hark, the angel, sing, I think "Wow, what an amazing thing!” Hark can as thunderously bellow as any other show biz fellow, and knock off her socks and everything. I'm a real pragmatist through and through. When she asked me, "Do you wanna screw?", I said, "Show me the plan. What do you expect from a man? And what can a man expect from you?” In the medieval city of York, I saw a baby deliver a stork, and the young son of a wizard chomp off the head of a lizard, and feed it to the stork ~ with a spork. Last week, I near tossed my religion, having lost faith smidgen by smidgen. Then, walking down Broad Way to Vine, I asked God to show me a sign. And I got shat on by a pigeon. The story with Sinbad the Sailor is he sorely needed a tailor. But the only one to be found drove a cab around Puget Sound. So Sinbad begged his crew to hail her.” Everyone agrees that by and large, I am the favorite beau of Marge. She has many other lovers who find fun under her covers., But only I ~ get it free of charge. We serve water from toilet to tap. Surprise, surprise! It don't taste like crap. We've made the water just as pure, as fresh spring water, that's for sure. Why are you holding your nose, my chap? That night, when Adam watched Eve undress, she saw what words could not yet express. Underneath him, something went "boing." Then, they heard a nightingale’s "soing." And then Able was conceived, we guess. Relaxing in a super hot bath, I felt atoms tickling my ass. There could've been trillions. Or perhaps just billions. Not sure, cuz I'm so bad at math. I once saw a stripper in Raleigh whose bulge made girls go, "Oh, my golly!" And he would jigger that grand thing into something as riveting as the art of Salvadore Dali. Cruising in her Hyundai Sonata, listening to a Bach cantata, she killed the overhead light and mused, “For dinner tonight, I'd love your twelf-inch enchilada.” I went to a clairvoyant in Rheims who could interpret all kinds of dreams. I said I dreamed of a monkey pinning a tail on a donkey. "Soooo! You're obsessed with asses, it seems." So yes, I would much rather than not take a good, hard look at what you've got. And if you've got too little, I might be noncommittal. But surely not if you've got a lot. I never once said that you were fat. I'd never be as nasty as that. I think you’re a real cutey, with a good looking booty. Although ~ you're tummy ain't all that flat. She was such a delectable dish! She said, “I’ll see you around 8-ish?” So I rang the bell on her door, a good fifteen minutes before, cuz I didn't wanna be late-ish. Jill and I don't need that many words. We tend to communicate like birds. In zany tweets and wacky twitter, she teases me, whereas I kid her, in fab fields of sillies and absurds. When they questioned me that fateful day, I said, “Please! I got nothing to say!” "But you're our only eyewitness!" “Oh yeah? But I was scared sh-tless, and I was looking the other way!” Let our bygones be bygones, my dear. And let's quaff the last of this beer. And while the old moon gapes, let's traipse like two wild apes, haply into a phosphorous New Year. The fox said to the wolf in a huff. "We're making this problem way too tough. You take that pig, Sandie, and I'll take that lamb, Randy. And we split Bugs, if that ain't enough." Holy bejeezus! I didn’t take the time to get things right with Jesus! And now I'm dead, with only the prospect of hell ahead, when in fact, I’d wanted to go somewhere where it sometimes also freezes. "No, no, no, no, no!" said the bawd to the beau. "You may be better looking, but that don't mean I'm cooking, or doing dishes ten days in a row. So much of online poetry is sh-t. I confess, I’ve made a big contribution to it. Here's another ~ one just for you. It’s a poem about a shoe. Try it on ~ cuz who knows? ~ it may just fit. I can’t believe this guy! He just tried to pick the apple of my eye! I said, "Are you serious? You think she would want you? That's hilarious!” Two weeks later, guess who I saw walking by. After making some hot love to Beth, I was nigh completely out of breath. What she did to my tool was too cool to be cruel, and mighta caused a weaker man's death. Be careful when you go to Crete. The cops there aren't any too sweet. Hell, they'll even give you a ticket, if you buy an ice cream and lick it on the wrong side of the street.