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There once was a young man from Szechwan,
who thought his prick looked like a pecan.
He met Bertha Butts,			
who was hankering for nuts,		
so he gave her his pecan to chew on.
The women in my Viking village
don't like domestic work or tillage.
They get much more excited
when they all get invited
on raids to go plunder and pillage.

I said, "If you truly adored me,
you'd prove it by tumbling for me."
She said, "I can't today,
cuz I just tumbled for Jay,
and that gave me a really sore knee.
I once had a PE teacher from Lille,
who cruelly knew how to make me feel
like the sweaty, old rag
stuffed in her scuffed gym bag
to hide her cigs and butt plug of steel.

So, yeah, hi - I'm that girl from Peru.
And I've written a limerick too.
Here's to all of you jerks
who made fun of my quirks:
a deeply sincere, hearfelt "pfhuck you!"
I once got snubbed by a gal from Wales,
who took a rather dim view of males.
She liked girls so much better 
cuz they'd never upset her
with made-up masculine-conquest tales.

I once heard a small girl in Cuba
play sweet sounds on this big-ass tuba.
The way she played that thing,
made every birdy sing
from Havana clear to Aruba.
You know, I was never that impressed
by the way that prim emperor dressed.
So you can just suppose ~
when he dropped in, sans clothes, 
that's frankly when I liked him the best.

"Okay, tell me, who's gonna be next?"
said the writer of the too-long text.
"No, please, not me," said the lean noun.
"Cut that fat verb there, two lines down."
And they all watched with faces so vexed.
I always go where the real fun's at.
These days, that's usually Maggie's flat,
where a dinky girl with big breasts
entertains the evening's guests
with her pussycat in a cocked hat.

A young woman from Glascow named Myrtle 
was as strong as the shell of a turtle.
Once, when an intruder snuck in,
she bare knuckled his glassy chin, 
then floored him with her iron girdle.
I asked this new guy, "Know where Jeez is?"
He says, "Don't even know who Jeez is."
"He's the only son of our boss,
always sports this wood cross.
So, clearly, one of the big cheeses."

There was a lass from the Isle of Man
tabbed to have Man’s most sensuous can
by the blokes who daily would stare
at her near perfect derriere
and fantasize finding pleasure there.
I went to a clairvoyant in Rheims
who could interpret all kinds of dreams.
I said, "I dreamed of a monkey
pinning a tail on a donkey."
"Soooo! You're obsessed with asses, it seems."

Furthest I ever got with Anne ~ was
a tittle past the church of St. Stan.
And then she bolted from my car,
yelling, "This time you've gone way too far!
See if you drive me to church again ~ Dan!
I once saw a stripper in Raleigh
whose bulge made girls go, "Oh, my golly!"
And he'd jigger that snaky thing
into something as riveting
as the art of Salvadore Dali.

I once knew an old bookworm from Maine.
One day, the worm snuck into his brain,
and there, ate many a cell,
and much gray matter as well,
till he went wacky ~ which, is insane!
Last week, I near quit my religion.
I had lost faith, smidgen by smidgen.
Then, walking down Broad Way to Vine,
I asked God to show me a sign,
and I got shat on by a pigeon.

Of the festival of "Peace and Love,"
I had very quickly had enough,
after Jacques de Bere
barfed on my hair,
and Two Ton Tess ripped her panties off.
The French waitress scowled, "Ferme la bouche!"
The bum said, "I just asked for some juice!"
She said, "It's in my purview,
if I don't want to serve you,
till you first go home and take a douche."

In the medieval city of York,
I saw a baby deliver a stork,
and the young son of a wizard
chomp off the head of a lizard,
and feed it to the stork ~ with a spork.
My day started out so serenely.
And then she did something so meanly ~
which differs from doing something mean ~
which, of course, can easily be seen
by those who've studied grammar keenly.

The bishop bowed ~ off fell his miter,
hitting Beth, then the belle beside her.
As he lunged to retrieve it, he just,
for a sec, snatched the belle by the bust,
and thought, "Dang! Shoulda grabbed'em tighter."
The lady was being downright crass.
She straight up told me to kiss her ass ~
then, tried to have me arrested,
for doing what she requested ~
planting a smouch on her cracked crevasse.

That night, when Adam watched Eve undress,
she saw what words could not yet express.
Underneath him, something went "boing."
Then, they heard a nightingale’s "soing."
And then Abel was conceived, we guess.
After making red-hot love to Beth,
I was nigh completely out of breath.
What she did to my tool
was too cool to be cruel,
and mighta caused a weaker man's death.

My doggy sure does love his lassie.
Together, they can act so classy.
When he smacks his lips,
she’ll wiggle her hips,
and then he'll turn to sniff her assy.
She had a plane tattooed on her breast.
She said, "That's for flying East to West."
"And what if I fly down under?"
"That'd be a grievous blunder.
I'd have to put you under arrest."

I once knew a young man from Brazil
who could bend any gal to his will.
Heck, he'd even saw them in half,
and watch the crowd nervously laugh,
bracing for the blood about to spill.
Everyone agrees that by and large,
I am the favorite beau of Marge.
She has many other lovers
who get treats under her covers, 
But only I ~ get 'em free of charge.
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