Mental Illness

I can't care enough to get out of bed, and I try my best, to lift my head. It really feels like, it's only me, and how I'm just split, just split in between. I worry too much, for the little I do, panic attacks, and the changes of mood. I have sleepless nights, and I'm dead in the day, life without living, not sure if I'll stay. The days when I'm here, I'm mentally drained, the bags under my eyes, they're hiding the pain. It's an endless fight, being dead and alive, and with all of my might, to be normal, I strive. I bite at my fingers, and pull my hair, grasping for comfort, with just a blank stare. Late in the nights, when I'm crying alone, the demons come out, wanting me to atone. I'm afraid to talk, and my trust is pain, It hurts to walk, and my soul feels so plain. So I lie about my feelings, lie about my head, when all I want is happiness, when all I want is for this to end. I say I'm fine, when I'm really breaking, shattering slowly, you say I'm changing. An emotional strain, on you and on me, I don't want to hurt you, please can't you see? There's so many things just weighing me down, stepping me over, and making me drown. I'm not trying to feel, like there's nothing for me, it's just my brain, and just what I've seen.