Losing Myself
expressing my pain in what has been rough,
depressing days; my mind wears not youth-
compressing all my anger caged with fear,
obsessing over what is or is not the truth
exceeding in angst, my quill breaks in half,
bleeding down the parchment (drip, drip, drip)-
needing rescue i call onto who hears me not,
feeding my soul with what my finger can’t grip
*
trying to live beyond torment can be deceiving,
defying all the anguish seems as hard as steel-
relying on the need for redemption shan’t ease,
crying on the bathroom floor wanting to feel
desiring what i need to be me once more,
inquiring with angels to see if they can mend-
rewiring my mind to remember age eight,
inspiring to none when i break and not bend
*
resent those who needed me but forgot to listen,
spent and tired because i cannot be redeemed-
lament on my heart, for i am drowning in woe,
content knowing life was never as it seemed
believing maybe in a true friend, perchance,
deceiving myself more and more each year-
conceiving not what matters out of spite,
retrieving what is not mine out of fear
*
losing myself in what used to be familiar,
choosing to weep for what used to be mine-
refusing to cooperate with those who cheat,
confusing lifestyle when stars don’t align
facing your death may bring me peace,
chasing one more moment, maybe…with you-
replacing memories with tears i shan’t stop;
embracing the possibility of me dying too
*************************************
January 10, 2020
Writing Prompt- Let's Write a Lento- Poetry Contest
Sponsor, Dear Heart
Copyright © Lu Loo | Year Posted 2020
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