List of limericks and funny tricks

I know an Obi-Wan Kenobi, an English teacher from Nairobi, where he lives with his new wife and two twins, who are his life: one's named Dick ~ the other one Moby. As green, young grunts in the Marines ~ we near lost the battle of New Orleans, cuz we all got diarrhea, eating gator skin tortilla, and two bowls of Cajun pork and beans. Have you ever stopped to consider, how much time you waste on a sh-tter? Why not try writing a diary about all that you hear, smell, and see; then sell it to the highest bidder. Let our bygones be bygones, my dear. And let's quaff the last of this beer. And while the old moon gapes, let's traipse like some wild apes, haply into a phosphorous New Year. After not having seen me for years, Mimi stroked my face devoid of hairs. And she quipped, "Now you're twice as cute as then when you were still hirsute, and your bristly cheek hairs stung like spears. I ask, "Dear, what is this anger for?" She shouts, "I just can't take it anymore! Let's just say, our race's been run!" "No! It's just begun. Je t’adore!" "Sure!" She shoves me out, and shuts the door. She was such a delectable dish! She said, “I’ll see you around 8-ish?” So I rang the bell on her door, a good fifteen minutes before, cuz I didn't wanna be late-ish. The first time I fell deeply in love, it was a love I made a hash of. I made tons of unforced mistakes, that still cause her to do double takes, and curse me to the heavens above. I can’t believe this guy! He just tried to pick the apple of my eye! I said, "Are you serious? You think she would want you? That's hilarious!” Two weeks later, guess who I saw walking by. This inn serves water from toilet to tap. Surprise! It doesn't taste a bit like crap. We cleanse our water till it's as pure as freshest spring water, that's for sure. So, why are you holding your nose, old chap? Each time I hear Hark, the angel, sing, I think "Wow, what an amazing thing!” Hark can as thunderously bellow as any other show biz fellow, and knock off her socks and everything. Jill and I don't speak in many words. We tend to communicate like birds. In zany tweets and wacky twitter, she teases me, whereas I kid her, in fab fields of sillies and absurds. Relaxing in a super hot bath, I can feel atoms tickling my ass. There must be two zillion ~ or ~ maybe two trillion. Not real sure ~ cuz ~ I'm so bad at math. An atom's proton asked the neutron, "Hey, Bud. Do'ya know what's going on?" "Yeah, sure. We're about to be split. So, that'll be the end of it. Watch out for the flash. Keep your shades on."