Life I Made

alive at last here i am down but now up again waiting for the best part hoping for a fresh start happiness so far away pushing through this wall of pain my life is mine choices made nothing but myself left to hate slip and stumble falling down i want to change but dont know how waterfalls of emotion blind me a ship at sea oh so lost a fire underneath bitter frost burning strong but still cold 18 years but already old holding on but how much longer? love or hate? which one stronger? down so often seems like home con's of life stacking against pro's more positive than negative numbers changning im hating it i want happiness im sick of sorrow sick of waiting for better tomorrow sick of the smiles i force upon myself sick of being to scared to let in help chances thinnning pain winning is this the end? or a new beginning?