Lately I'Ve Been Away From Home and When I Returned I Was Made a New

You would think that because the lows sway with the highs your moods would fluctuate but I find that I don't live in that way. In those moments I find myself often times in the next few days sometimes the next week as I'm so fixated on everything being okay, I'm obsessed with everything being right. That when I take a step back and snap back into reality. Those moments I ironically claim to live for have all of a sudden passed me by just as quickly as they have happened, I resent myself for that. The reason being I'm lost in the future is because while the now, the today may be great. It may be filling me with hope, ambition, and praise I fear that in two days, in two weeks the pain and truth will fall upon me and take all my joy away. I don't want to live that way but recent events have adjusted my mind frame to see things in that perspective. you see I was in love..... yes, yes that dangerous combustion of feelings you have for that one person that turns you wild but you see my complication was I had two loves, two hearts and we all loved each other and I fell over my own feet so fast I forgot to tie my shoes and before I knew it my face hit the pavement and I was missing teeth, but by the time I got to my feet and finally stood upright one heart stopped beating. It had vanished and I didn't know why. I looked everywhere for it but it seemingly had left me and I didn't know what to do but I still had another heart. Who made it a little easier to live in those moments to own each and every day until the day it didn't and all that moment yearning all those day to day rewinds halted and I returned to the future. For my heart new I was bloody and broken from my lost heart but my remaining heart still wanted to revive my other heart and that made it clear that my moments were no longer mine to enjoy but just to lay dazed, broken and bloody and let them pass me by while I live in my dark close future wondering how I got here. Then recently the atmosphere changed my colors turned muddy the feeling crept closer and just like that I was a robot, broken, empty, and heartless. My other heart too grew weary, she grew out of me and felt that her time was better spent in another's body to give warmth, attention, and praise. These dark thoughts those two have left me with have made me immeasurably into a different being. As I sit in the worn our room we spent our time in I know I'm gone because to be broken is to be remade into someone you don't recognize.