Knock, Knock

We are not from Scottish Power, or even British Gas. We wouldn’t drag you out of the shower for anything less than God. And just to let you know how to achieve Eternal Life… We are nothing like the religious group who called on you last night. There is one major difference: They are wrong, and we are right. Certain substances must be avoided like heroin and cups of tea. Is it worthwhile mainlining – or enjoying Typhoo or PG – if, because of that, you cannot live with God eternally? You can stuff your face with chocolate, crisps – and Diet Coke is not outlawed. You can even have some Red Bull to wash down all that chocolate, if you’re getting very bored. You need to be baptised, and soon. Your last one doesn’t count: insufficient water, and you were too young. What about the Baptist Church? You’re being awkward now. Okay, let’s cut straight to the chase. No other church has authority from God. We do.