Kiddies Bedtime Story With a Happy Ending

It was my wife, my son and me, we were at home one weekend While she played with my son, I was giving a cupboard a mend They were running around laughing and playing I was up stairs sanding and spraying Then all of a sudden it was quiet in the house So quiet you could even hear the sucking sound of a louse I turned to go down to see what the matter could be And there an eight foot brick wall of a man I did see This man dare infiltrate my home I knew him, a once good now bad friend called Jarome He held a knife in his nine digit left hand And breathed funny due to a dodgy sinus gland I tried to reason, even started to beg But before I knew it he stabbed me in the leg Now to him I look like I’m vertically challenged, not that tall Don’t get me wrong, five foot seven isn’t that small Oh not to mention I’m blind in one eye, can’t see out the other “Air strip” I was called because as a teen I was bald like my father (But here’s the science bit) I used to be a spy trained in the deadly arts I could slice a lemon from twenty feet away with a single fart With a banana, make hole in a car wheel Or stab a man with an orange peel We are a new breed Really deadly indeed Jerome expected me to fall, but I came back hitting I gave him one of those red headed step child beatings I was all over him like white on rice He looked like he was trying to swat some flies. Then I let out some sharpened farts His face was covered in what looked like paper cuts By this time the police arrive and you guessed it, arrested me without bail I thought I’d spend the rest of my life in jail The police said I didn’t use reasonable force And from his injuries they would make sure I’ serve the full course But when I saw the judge I was at ease I knew I’ll be free, this trial would be a breeze But you knew who the judge was in the end It was Glen my imaginary friend