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Poem
It was my wife, my son and me, we were at home one weekend
While she played with my son, I was giving a cupboard a mend
They were running around laughing and playing
I was up stairs sanding and spraying

Then all of a sudden it was quiet in the house
So quiet you could even hear the sucking sound of a louse
I turned to go down to see what the matter could be
And there an eight foot brick wall of a man I did see

This man dare infiltrate my home 
I knew him, a once good now bad friend called Jarome
He held a knife in his nine digit left hand
And breathed funny due to a dodgy sinus gland

I tried to reason, even started to beg
But before I knew it he stabbed me in the leg
Now to him I look like I’m vertically challenged, not that tall
Don’t get me wrong, five foot seven isn’t that small

Oh not to mention I’m blind in one eye, can’t see out the other
“Air strip” I was called because as a teen I was bald like my father 

(But here’s the science bit)
I used to be a spy trained in the deadly arts
I could slice a lemon from twenty feet away with a single fart
With a banana, make hole in a car wheel
Or stab a man with an orange peel
We are a new breed
Really deadly indeed

Jerome expected me to fall, but I came back hitting
I gave him one of those red headed step child beatings
I was all over him like white on rice
He looked like he was trying to swat some flies.

Then I let out some sharpened farts
His face was covered in what looked like paper cuts
By this time the police arrive and you guessed it, arrested me without bail
I thought I’d spend the rest of my life in jail 

The police said I didn’t use reasonable force
And from his injuries they would make sure I’ serve the full course
But when I saw the judge I was at ease
I knew I’ll be free, this trial would be a breeze

But you knew who the judge was in the end 
It was Glen my imaginary friend
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