Just a Girl

i've always been the one to walk away first. always kept my heart locked down deep. i was always the one the boys wanted to wife, and always the one girl to never want anyone. i'm always the one to latch on to one. Always the one to build a home in others. do you understand what it means to need someone so tenderly? so forcefully and demanding. i'm too harsh for my own heart. i don't give myself a real chance to be something truly great. i thought finding warmth in the empty holes of your heart was how real love was meant be. i thought the holes were there to be filled. but your trenches are just warnings to all new lovers lost in your eyes. and the hollow words i mistook for real love. what happened to our future? was it ever really ours? did you know all along it would be yours alone? who will come after me? do you ever think about if this is forever? was the last kiss really the last? was the last fight it? what if the last time was the last time to say those words that will destroy me til the end? and don't ask my how my day is going. it is the same as the week and the month. any time without you isn't really time at all. is this the last time i will have to say "i'm sorry"? i shouldn't have made you my home. but i just cannot believe that we won't do the same things we did just a month ago. and i still take your back roads when i get my morning coffee, even though i always get lost. sometimes i cry the whole car ride, alone. and when i am getting wasted, you better bet i'm on the best stuff, because i know how much you'd love it. to see me doing fine on my own. i always want to make you proud even if you aren't happy with me. is this the last time to say those words? the ones' that took all i had to offer. maybe to you is it. i'm always the one to walk away first but babe you were different. and i'm not quite sure how to deal. when you tell me you'll love me forever but can never see us always together i get scared thinking you're doing fine with my expected loyalty in the back of your mind.