Home » Poems » Jan Allison » It Took All My Courage To Write and Post This Poem

It Took All My Courage To Write and Post This Poem

I wish I’d had the courage to ask you why you treated me so differently to my sibling You gave her private education at Norland - yet I did the same course but at the local technical college You purchased a house for her - yet I had to save up with my husband to buy our own You paid for her driving lessons, bought her a car whilst I had 5 casual jobs and paid for my own You gave her money on tap yet I’ve have had to work for everything we own At the end of the day you never treated me like I was your daughter. Since you died … Mum’s intimated you weren’t my father … I wish I’d had the courage to ask before you died NB Neither myself or mum have grieved in the five years since he died - as for my sister I have no idea, as she cut all contact with the family after she inherited part of dad's estate from me and mum. Norland is a private college in Berkshire - it's where the Royal Nannies come from awarded poem of the day 9/10/20 awarded trophy 9/29/20 Previously received n/a in courage Contest Sponsored by Chantelle Anne Cook 09/09/20

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Lei Strauss

Date: 1/3/2021 11:21:00 PM

I feel the connection of this poem Jan. This makes me sad, to be honest. My dad left us since I was 5 and he never came back. :(

Jan Allison
Date: 1/15/2021 11:45:00 AM

so sorry you can relate Lei:-( hugs jan xx

Beata Agustin

Date: 10/23/2020 3:02:00 AM

Congrats! Thanks for sharing this... revealing your courage in your poetic style. God bless you.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/23/2020 1:59:00 PM

thanks Beata:-) hugs jan xx

Alexis Y.

Date: 10/22/2020 5:55:00 AM

Hi Jan, You must have written this when I wasn’t on the soup. I cried reading this heartfelt write. Your “ courage” shined bright in this piece. I know it was hard to write , but when you tell your story, you not only help yourself but you help others going through something similar. You’re a winner my friend.I’m still the out cast my in family ( not immediate). They treat my sister better cause she prettier and smarter. I have learned to life with it. Not going to lie it’s still hurts. My sister is my only real connection to my family ( first cousins). Congratulations on getting the poem of the day and your win- Alexis

Jan Allison
Date: 10/22/2020 6:07:00 AM

My sister has been given everything I have had to work for and still wanted more... to my knowledge she has no contact with any of the family - its her wish and i can live with it. It was so cathartic to write this one... the only thing i feel for her is pity:-( hugs jan xx

Mark Paul Van Der Merwe

Date: 10/9/2020 11:37:00 PM

Hi Jan - Very sad indeed. But in a very strange way your love for your Mum is true, what does anyone not willing to care or show real love, they have to share but selfishness,at the end of the day life ends and the truth is revealed. Hiding behind a material greed and self-being will hurt more in the end. Keep true and love all Jan. All the best and oh congrats in your deserved win. Mark P.S. I know I have been gone for a while but Im still around. ;)

Jan Allison
Date: 10/9/2020 11:41:00 PM

Oh it is SO wonderful to see you back Mark, there are many poets that are seldom on the site now. Hope all is good with you and your loved ones:-) hugs jan xx

David Perez

Date: 10/8/2020 10:30:00 AM

Lovely, in a sad way. But you kept your mum, when your sister went stray. You are a winner, she's the bum.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/9/2020 11:39:00 PM

I promised dad when he died that I would look after mum:-) hugs jan xx

Nancy Kaufman

Date: 10/5/2020 5:47:00 AM

congratulations Kim on this recent win. "God bless the child who makes it on his own" and sounds like you are the stronger one here, however hurtful are those memories..I enjoyed your blunt honesty..

Jan Allison
Date: 10/9/2020 11:39:00 PM

oh I am far better off for making my own way in life:-) hugs Jan xx

Lewis Nyaga

Date: 10/2/2020 6:55:00 PM

Congrats on that much deserved win

Jan Allison
Date: 10/5/2020 1:01:00 AM

:-) I'm delighted thanks so much:-) hugs jan xx

Lewis Nyaga

Date: 10/2/2020 6:54:00 PM

jAN.. Very Emotive read.., with unresolved rememberings.., it took real courage.. //Bless You, The Lord maketh all things beautiful in Time..

Jan Allison
Date: 10/5/2020 1:00:00 AM

thanks Lewis-) hugs Jan xx

Jenny Brewer

Date: 10/1/2020 1:15:00 PM

Hello my dear Jan , you are such a strong and truly capable woman, I hope you found some closure writing your poem hun xxx I have mine written and waiting xx Awesome Win my lovely xx Hugs Always xx Jenny x

Jan Allison
Date: 10/5/2020 12:59:00 AM

OMG Jenny - so wonderful to see you back, if it wasn't for you I would never have joined the site!!:-) hugs jan xx

Curtis Johnson

Date: 9/30/2020 7:57:00 PM

Congratulations, my friend. You are an awesome winner in so many ways. It took courage to write this. Much love and blessings.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/5/2020 12:58:00 AM

thanks Curtis:-) hugs Jan xx

Paula Goldsmith

Date: 9/29/2020 11:52:00 AM

Congratulations on your win. Glad to see you won again. It is a great write. Enjoy the win and what you have in your life. I have found some people are not happy and that is their problem. Be blessed.......

Jan Allison
Date: 10/5/2020 12:57:00 AM

thanks Paula, she certainly isn't happy with her 'lot' reminds me of a line from a Streisand song 'i dont want much... i just want more':-) hugs Jan xx

Tania Kitchin

Date: 9/29/2020 3:16:00 AM

Congratulations Jan on your trophy win, a well expressed painful poem, sorry you had to experience that! :( Hugs.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/5/2020 12:56:00 AM

I am the person I am because of it - no regrets for me:-) hugs Jan xx

Gary Radice

Date: 9/29/2020 2:56:00 AM

Despite all the darkness, there is much light in this work Jan - you stand proud today being yourself.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/5/2020 12:55:00 AM

thanks Gary:-) hugs Jan xx

Sigrid Ermine

Date: 9/28/2020 6:09:00 PM

A tough one. Congratulations on its deserved recognition, Jan. I have an experience re. Money given to sister, never I. ( mother spoke highly of her posh flat share suburb, never once commented well done while I paid a home mortgage age 20) - I've come to realise there is always a favourite kid. (usually turn out to be the screwed up kid too, ironically) Very sorry about your Dad and the lack of true emotion.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/5/2020 12:54:00 AM

I know there are many who can relate - and yes my sister is screwed up in many ways, the only thing i feel for her is pity:-( hugs jan xx

John Watt

Date: 9/28/2020 3:10:00 PM

Nice to see this win you a trophy, great soulful writing Jan. Celebrating with you! Hugs ~ John

Jan Allison
Date: 10/5/2020 12:53:00 AM

It was so cathartic to write:-) hugs jan xx

Jeanne Mcgee

Date: 9/28/2020 2:40:00 PM

Good on you Jan...congrats on your win.

Jan Allison
Date: 10/5/2020 12:53:00 AM

thanks Jeanne:-) hugs Jan xx

Tom Cunningham

Date: 9/28/2020 8:47:00 AM

Back with congrats on your trophy win Jan, a well deserved honour. Tom

Jan Allison
Date: 9/28/2020 12:26:00 PM

Thanks Tom I am stunned and delighted to win:-) hugs Jan xx

Angela Crabtree

Date: 9/27/2020 3:19:00 PM

I'm glad you found that courage. I'm sure it took a lot for you to write this. I enjoyed reading it. Love, Angie

Jan Allison
Date: 9/28/2020 12:25:00 PM

thanks Angela:-) hugs Jan xx

Seren Roberts

Date: 9/22/2020 10:43:00 AM

Jan you are the winner. You have so many friends who admire you and your talent.. Hugs Seren xxx

Jan Allison
Date: 9/22/2020 11:59:00 AM

thanks Seren, its so lovely to see you hope you are coping with this dreadful situation of this darn virus - we are fine here basically considered covid free, seeing the uk news its like another world:-( hugs jan xx

Old Buck

Date: 9/22/2020 8:19:00 AM

Jan: I smiled as I read your words. I've known your "pampered" sisters in my 80 years and I've know the loving, caring, talented, helpful, supportive "Jans. We all have and all know which is the winner. There is nothing you don't have that her money could buy. :o) You are the winner. oldbuck

Jan Allison
Date: 9/22/2020 11:57:00 AM

You know what OB I am happy with life, making my own way and standing on my own 2 feet, my sister told the lawyer she wanted nothing to do with me - yet she was inheriting land over me and mum - its complicated lol but I still have mum, my hubby and son, she has everything materially but nothing compared to what I have with having my family around me:-0 hugs jan xx

Linda Alice Fowler

Date: 9/22/2020 5:46:00 AM

Wow...you understand so well what a dysfunctional family is like and how to deal with it. One is stronger because of her challenges. You write beautifully Jan.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/22/2020 11:53:00 AM

i am definitely better off for having to make my own way in life, :-) hug jan xx

Regina Mcintosh

Date: 9/16/2020 3:14:00 PM

Such a painful expression that almost hurts to read. I'm so sorry, dear Jan. God bless you, my friend :)

Jan Allison
Date: 9/22/2020 11:49:00 AM

on reflection they did me a favour - he only thing i feel for my sibling is pity:-( hugs jan xx

Malabika Ray Choudhury

Date: 9/16/2020 3:13:00 PM

This is a profoundly courageous, reflective poem. Jan, I can relate to your experience in a different way, in a different situation. Favouritism used to happen from family members, even happens at present time, with sons and daughters - sometimes not even knowingly. It used to hurt me. Congratulations on POTD. Hugs, Mala

Jan Allison
Date: 9/22/2020 11:48:00 AM

thanks Mala:-) i've lived with it since i was young things changed dramaticaly when we did the same college course with my sister being sent to Norland which is where the royal nannies come from, after that they purchased a house for her... they said they would make it up to me one day - that was never going to happen lol:-) hugs jan xx

Duke Beaufort

Date: 9/14/2020 3:46:00 AM

OMG, we have some very strange family dynamics going on. We have ours too, and it is all entirely strange indeed. I'd say we are on a par, so I know what this feels like. At times I have cried over the frustration, and I get that, but what to do to change it is more in the leading a horse to water category. I have stopped caring as much as I used to since "they" don't listen when it comes to this stuff. Thank-you for getting me thinking. Very good indeed and very kind to share.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/22/2020 11:45:00 AM

you know something Duke I wouldnt swap places with my sister for the world!:-) hugs jan xx

Kim Rodrigues

Date: 9/13/2020 6:32:00 PM

There is many times a margin of favoritism in families, but sometimes it is a wall. Great and profound write! Congratulations on POTD!

Jan Allison
Date: 9/22/2020 11:44:00 AM

.... and you know the sad thing, my mum still cant see how differently we have been treated and says how badly they have treated my sister lol - I have learned to hold my tongue!:-) hugs jan xx