It Is Okay

It’s okay that I feel this way, it’s not you. It’s the devil inside. It’s not you that makes me cry, it’s the lies I listen too. I look at myself thinking of what you think when you see me. Sometimes they’re bad, sometimes I wish you could say them to me. I wish you knew all the pressure and anxiety you leave me. You don’t try, but I must go threw a million thoughts a day. I’m happy to see you, but when I leave you my heart feels like it’s leaving me. But it’s okay, I’m use to it. It happens every time, and as much as I wish it could change, I hold myself back because I’m hurt. I’m hurt of self-pain, rejection, loneliness, and fear. It does hurt, but when I see you next it will go away, only waiting to come again. I’m happy without you until I’m laying in bed, awaiting for the next day. I want to go to sleep early but then I can’t get you out of my mind. I feel crazy, but it’s quite normal. I have no idea how to feel about you. I can’t decide weather I like you or I like the idea of you.